Spencer and I had been married almost four years when he decided to join the Army (he’ll tell you it was my idea) in August of 2003. I was pregnant with our third son at the time and we knew that joining would cause him to miss the birth of our son. However, after much prayer and fasting, we decided that was the best decision for our family.I was worried about what our future life together would look like. It was going to be different from what I had envisioned.
I had always pictured us doing everything together; from Saturday morning walks, going to church, the grocery store, or the hardware store. Anything and everything, if we could do it together we would. With the military and him being gone “all the time” how was I going to make that dream a reality?The first few years in the Army were hard. I resented the army for taking him away from our family. I hated when he was gone for training and deployment “we don’t even talk about those”. I believed I was doing it alone even when he was home. I was mad and I’m sure I wasn’t a lot of fun to be around. With all of that, however, when he was home the good days outweighed the bad but Spencer tells me he was always waiting for me to get upset over something. However, that all changed when I found life coaching and everything changed for me. I learned that the Army was not causing my problems. It was all my thinking and I can change how I think, which in turn changed how I felt and helped me to show up how I wanted. I choose to show up as a loving supportive wife. As a result, we are living the marriage I had envisioned years early. When he is home we do as much together as possible. And when he is gone we are still connected because I choose to think the thoughts that connect him to me. You will hear plenty of people saying how hard the Army is and that’s true. I found that I was making it so much harder than it had to be by the way I was thinking. Once I learned to be in control of my thoughts and feelings, my life and marriage changed for the better. Did our circumstances change? Not at all, I would almost say that life has gotten harder with teenagers, deployments, pandemics, you name it I’ve done them all, but, I now believe I can handle whatever comes my way. I am stronger and more capable than I believed in the past. I am Thriving and you can too. My new thoughts look like this:He is gone a lot of the time – but we are still connected – I parent alone a lot – but we are still a team – I feel lonely at times – he does too – I move away from close friends when we PCS – only to find new friends. Some days it feels like I can’t move forward – then I do There will be drama – I grow from it into the next version of myself. If you feel like you are stuck, that you are surviving when you want to be thriving – sign up for a free consultation and we can chat. I would love to help you learn the secrets I have learned to Thrive as a military spouse.